Remedy
by technofever
Summary: From Untouchable . What goes through Josh's mind when he invites Reed to do a little painting in his room? Spoilers. Josh POV


Now, I know I said I wanted to do this in order but I guess I gotta give what the people ask for :) and well since I'm uber happy I'm done with exams and that you guys asked so generously for the scene of when Josh and Reed paint in his.. 'room' for the first time.. I decided I'm giving this a little exception. I hope I got it right, cause I'd be as mad as you guys if I didn't, so tell meee.

And FYI, this was 11 freakin pages. That's majorrrrr, especially for me :P I guess it's because I started off with the chapter before this scene and added a bit more after Reed leaves his room.

K well, here goes…

**Disclaimer: I just borrowed Josh and Reed for a bit, but returning them back to Kate Brian. :) **

_____________________________________________________________

I reached into my bag what felt like the tenth time today, but was really only the third.

As I searched the side pocket of my bag for my pill container, I had yet to decide if I was really going to proceed with my decision of slowing down on my pills. Or stopping all together.

But as that thought occurred to me, I felt the long container, filled with my daily dosages in my hand.

I stalled in front of the vending machine, with my hand still under the flap of my bag, grasping the slim container.

_Come on Josh. Don't be weak. _

I let out an exasperated sigh as I dropped the container back into my bag for the third time today. I was about to pull my hand out of the pocket, when I felt something rough. I pulled it out. It was a dollar.

I turned my head to the left and saw the vending machine and decided that if I was no longer going to take my pills, then I was at least going to have to indulge in something else. I slipped the dollar bill into the machine and pressed the buttons, settling for M&M's.

I grabbed the package at the bottom and walked down the hallway towards the library.

As I was passing by, I glanced through the window of the door, when I caught sight of the profile of a girl with brown hair and a blue coat, looking at something up ahead of her.

It could have been anyone for all I knew. There were plenty of girls at Easton with brown hair and a blue coat, but none of those girls caught my attention like Reed did.

I figured that she was catching up on studying, which was good for her, considering there had been so many distractions in the past few weeks. And it would have been wise of me to just let her study, though, something was pulling at me to go in. I made my decision.

A smile began to form as I made my way closer to Reed, until I caught sight of her face.

My smile instantly dropped when I processed her state. Reed was staring at nothing in particular, her notebook hadn't even been touched and her seemingly lifeless body didn't move once since I've spotted her.

Her mouth was set in a straight line and her _eyes.._ Her eyes just held a blank stare, never blinking, as if she were somewhere else right now.

I stuffed the M&M's package into my bag, forgetting all about my pill issue.

"Reed?"

It took her a while, but eventually she began to blink so quickly I thought she'd never stop this time. She looked so awake now, which gave me a huge wave of relief. She glanced at her watch and then to her blank notebook in front of her, realizing that she had subconsciously dozed off.

"Hey," I said as I placed my messenger bag on the table and took a seat across from her. "Are you okay?"

Her face instantly changed at the question. "I'm _fine,_" she almost sounded annoyed. "I just wish people would stop asking me that."

_Okay_ then. "Sorry." I said as I raised my hands to show that I didn't mean to make her snap.

When she saw my confused expression, her face softened and I could tell she instantly regretted it.

She let out a little groan before she crossed her arms and said, "No. _I'm _sorry." She then laid her forehead on her wrist in front of her. Her next words were barely audible, but echoed through the table, "I didn't mean to tear your head off."

I just stared at the top of her head.

Seeing Reed dealing with her emotions, I tried to remember what it felt like to feel angry, frustrated…_Sad_. It was depressing really, to know that your best friend just died, yet you couldn't feel any of it because something as small as a pill could just control your life…your _feelings_. I quickly pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind.

"It's okay," I whispered back. "What's going on?" I asked as I reached out and touched her pinky. I so badly wanted to help her, yet I had no idea how.

Silence. My pulse started racing, as I tried to think of what was going through her mind. Did she want me to leave? As soon as that thought came to mind, she shook her head under her arms, as if to answer my silent question. What was going on then?

"Reed?" My tone was serious now.

She let out one final sigh, before she lifted her head ever so slightly, and rested her chin on her notebook. It was the most adorable image, but the anguish on her face distracted me away from that thought.

I saw the struggle in her eyes, and a longing for something, but what was it?

"I just wish I could get out of my head," she finally said. "It's unliveable in here."

Ah, I knew exactly what she needed. I knew how to help her.

Suddenly, I felt happy with the idea of being able to help Reed, I just hoped that she would agree. I leaned forward, bringing my face closer. "I might have an idea of how you can do that, if you're interested," I said with a smirk.

She must have thought differently of my sudden optimism because she sat up straight bringing her head up with her. "If you're talking about pot or something, I'm not interested," she said, pretending to prepare her notes. "Considering," she added.

I was so astonished at that. Did she really think that of me? _Drugs?_ "It's not drugs, Reed. Come one," I said sitting up. " How idiotic do you think I am?" She just blinked. _Crap. _Foot in mouth. I shouldn't have said that last part, but at least now she knew I wasn't that kind of guy. She must have gotten my point because her cheeks began to turn a rosy pink in embarrassment.

"Then what is it?"

"It's better," I reassured her, trying not to give anything away.

She took one look at her notebook and sucked in a deep breath. _Say yes. _

"I'm in."

----

As we walked through Ketlar, I could practically feel the discomfort coming off from Reed in waves. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable, being in a place that would only remind her of the last time she had been here…with Thomas.

The only reason I knew about that night, was because Thomas had instructed me to keep watch of the area, to make sure that nobody caught him doing whatever he was doing that night with Reed. And being the person I was, always having to cover his ass, I agreed to. Unwillingly though.

That was when I realized that I probably remembered that night just as much as Reed did, but for different reasons. Because that was the first night I couldn't sleep in a long time.

Every time I would shut my eyes, I couldn't help but imagine what they could have done in that very room, _my room_.

Since that night, I always wondered if Reed was truly happy with Thomas, if she was happy with her decision to give herself up to someone that treated her unfairly. Who claimed he loved her, but humiliated her, then left her to deal with his disappearance.

Or was she pressured? Did Thomas do it unwillingly? After all, he did have a tendency to get what he wanted. Just take me as an example, I was practically his butler and servant.

But I owed him my life, my future. That was the least I could do for him.

_Ding._ The elevator doors opened. "Come on," I whispered, hoping the sound of the elevator didn't already bring attention to us.

We walked towards the common room, and thankfully none of the guys from our dorm were laying around playing video games and such. There was only one guy, Mike, reading over at the far corner but he didn't seem to notice our presence. So I led her to the far end of the hallway.

"Uh, I don't think this is the best idea," she said after a while.

I saw her eyes dart left to right, as if people were watching. "We're not gonna get caught," I reassured her. And then I grabbed her hand. I thought she would flinch, but surprisingly she didn't even twitch. "Mr. Cross has been in meetings practically twenty-four/seven since they found Thomas."

I tugged her forward, but I guess I caught her off guard, almost making her trip.

As soon as we were headed down the hall, I could feel her hand becoming shaky and warm. Like she was afraid of where I was taking her. I heard her take a short intake of breath, and that was when I realized where she thought I was bringing her. _Mine and Thomas' old room. The room that they …_

Instead, when we walked past it, I felt her almost pull at my hand as if she wanted to stop in front of it, but I continued to keep leading her down the hallway.

I opened the door to my temporary room. "Here we go."

"What? But I thought--" She stopped mid-sentence to examine my pathetic excuse for a room.

There was barely any room for her to move around, but I watched her expression as she realized where I had been living for the past few weeks.

"They moved me here the week after the funeral, after they inspected all my stuff for clues or whatever," I said as I dropped my messenger bag on my bed. "My old room is a crime scene now." .

"Oh. God. I didn't even think of that." I could feel her eyes penetrating my back, so I turned to her.

"I know," I said as nonchalantly as possible, but I guess after the second time that your roommate dies-- well let's just say you don't quite get used to it.

"I hate it. It's like, how much can one person go through? It's like I--" _I'm jinxed. _No, I couldn't say that. "It just sucks."

"Yeah," she breathed.

I couldn't think about the past anymore. It was too depressing.

Then, like a quick reflex, I remembered what I always did when I was feeling depressed, and was now also the reason I had brought Reed here in the first place.

I headed towards my desk to pick up my box of paintbrushes and shoved my history notes to one side. I could feel Reed watching my every move, but I just continued with what I was doing.

"Josh, I'm so sorry," she said as she sat on my bed. "Everyone keeps asking me how I am, but I never asked you… are _you _okay?"

This surprised me. She was apologizing for something that wasn't even her fault. I just breathed through my nose, trying to seem calm about it. "Yeah. I guess." I said. "The whole thing is surreal, but… what am I going to do, you know?"

She just stared at me openly. "Most of the time you seem so normal. How are you dealing with all this?"

Crap. _Well you see, I take these pills that make me feel…well, nothing. So, you ask how I deal? I don't. _No. I definitely couldn't share that information with Reed, for now. Instead, I began to shuffle my feet, trying unsuccessfully to not feel uncomfortable. "I have my ways."

"Like what?"

"That's why I brought you here," I said. I opened my box of paintbrushes and lifted a few of my favourites. "I'm going to show you one of them." I was hoping that she wouldn't ask me what my other method of dealing was, because I wasn't sure if I could answer that yet. So, I pulled out my iPod from my jacket pocket and played the last song I had been listening to, on the speaker system.

I watched as Reed's face contorted at the sound of the screeching guitar coming from Black Sabbath's Paranoid. I tried to hold in my laugh.

"What're you doing?" She shouted.

"Helping you get out of your head!" then without a word, I moved over to the first easel and opened the few jars of paint on the tray, and moved over to the second easel to do the same for Reed's. I picked up the brushes and handed them to her, but she just looked at me like I was crazy.

_Oohhkay. _I guess I just had to show her what I meant. I picked up the red jar of paint and walked to the centre of the room. I dipped the brush into the jar to demonstrate.

"This is what I do when my headspace becomes…" what word had she used earlier? Oh yeah. "unliveable." I told her.

I pulled the paintbrush from the jar and flung it towards the canvas. Wow, that felt good!

"Try it," I shouted to her.

"Are you insane?" She asked with disbelief. I just stared. _Did she _have _to use the word insane? _Like, didn't I hear that word more than too many times in the past. She hesitated before looking around and quickly added, "I mean, they're gonna freak when they see what you're doing to this place."

Something inside me stirred when she used the word _freak. _"They don't care!" I tried smiling and just shrugged. "I'm the poor, pathetic roommate of the dead guy." But before saying any more, I realized how harsh those words must have sounded to Reed. So I tried to make myself sound less callous. "No one cares what I do."

Because after all, one dead roommate just wasn't enough for one person. And after making you move to a closet sized room to make your old room a crime scene, people just somehow forget about you, assuming that a kid just needed space. I was such a charity case..

But before I could continue my ramblings, Reed spoke up. "That's not true."

My eyes refocused on her face, her eyes filled with pity. I couldn't let myself become a charity case for Reed too, so I said, "No! I don't mean literally. I just mean…" What did I mean? "forget it." I said.

"Come on, Reed. Try this! I swear it'll help." I said, immediately becoming excited to change the subject.

I grabbed her hand and placed the paintbrush into her palm and as I did so, I saw her eyes hold a bit of excitement herself. Then she went over to grab the jar of paint and dipped her brush into it. She turned to look at me.

"Now fling it," I told her.

A huge grin formed on her face at the thought. It was the first grin I had seen grace her features in a long time, and I had helped her. Me, Josh Hollis, helped Reed Brennan smile. It felt good. But then something wet came flying at my face before I could even dodge it.

I stood there frozen. Reed just turned to look at me and bursted into a fit of laughter. If I thought her smile was beautiful, imagine hearing her laugh. I just wiped the paint from my nose, leaving a trail of blue across my cheek.

"Oh my God! You're right! I _do _feel better," she said.

She just kept laughing and laughing, until I turned around and swiftly whipped a blob of green paint back at her.

Her reaction was priceless. She seemed so surprised, like she didn't expect me to do it. I grinned back at her.

"Touché" she said, as she wiped the green off her forehead.

She then grabbed some yellow, and flung it at me while I prepared to whip one in return, but only got her back. She continued to come at me with different colours, but each time I was prepared to launch one back, only making us both laugh endlessly at our rainbow-looking faces.

Eventually, we would get too quick for one another, so we switched to using just one colour on our paintbrush and started slashing it at eachoter. Hair, nose, chin, arms, shoes, clothes, wherever we could reach without getting attacked.

My cheeks began to hurt from laughing so much as well as my stomach, and even now with all the paint in my impossibly curly hair, It felt good.

I saw Reed drop her paintbrush, and I only saw this as an advantage. With my paintbrush still in my hand, I approached Reed. She instantly noticed me advancing and grabbed my shoulder to hold me back, but that only encouraged me more.

I grabbed her waist to twist her around, going for the empty spot on her back, but she escaped my hold on her and bolted towards the wall.

I was filled with so much adrenaline that with two quick strides I was in front of her before she could get any further, laughing at her attempt of running away. I placed my hands on her waist.

We were so close now, that I could feel the electricity of our touch. Her blue eyes dancing with excitement and more. She held onto the sleeves of my shirt, willing me to move closer, so I did. I pressed my body up against hers, for once having the liberation to feel emotions. My breathing became heavy. _So close. Just a few more steps. _

"I think you'd look good in purple," my voice came out husky due to my strained breathing. I backed her towards the wall. "What do you think?"

She just continued to look at me with excited eyes. "Don't. Don't you dare," she said, eyeing my brush.

I continued to advance. "Reed, hold still! You have to let an artist do his work!" I teased.

"Josh! No! Come on! " She said laughing, all the while trying to push me back. "Haven't you done enough damage already?"

Her words didn't seem to register because before I knew it, I was slowly lifting my brush to her face, grinning goofily. With each step I took, it became harder to breath, like she was sucking the air right out of me.

Her smile was so beautiful, and her lips pink from laughing. _Just one more step Josh. You could kiss those lips and finally show her how you feel. _

But just like that, her words began to replay in my mind.

_Haven't you done enough damage already? _

She was right. Who was I to take advantage of a girl who had just lost her boyfriend. Her boyfriend, who was supposedly my best friend. These emotions were so overwhelming, coming at me all at once. What was I doing? I was only inches away from her, yet I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I couldn't do this without telling her the truth. The truth about my pills. The truth about why I was able to handle Thomas' death.

I blinked out of my reverie and slowly backed away. "You're right," I said. "Enough damage for one night."

I felt the air instantly rush back into my lungs as if I had just stepped out of a barrier. My eyes couldn't seem to look up at Reed, afraid of seeing the disappointment or confusion on her face. Instead, I just stared at my paint-stained hands.

After a few minutes, she cleared her throat. "I need a bathroom," she said.

"Down the hall on the right," I replied without eye contact.

"Right. I remember." Then she opened the door and left.

I stood there motionless, staring at the spot that she had just been standing in, before I had gone all robotic and had a quick change in moods.

Why was it so hard to just tell her the truth? That I took pills to control my depression, my emotions, my _life. _

And then my phone rang.

I walked over to the bed to grab my phone inside my bag, noticing that Reed had forgotten her own bag and coat during her quick escape to the bathroom.

"Hey Joshy-boy, what's going on?" Lynn's voice reverberated in my now silent room.

"Hey Lynn. Nothing much, just… finished painting. You?" I replied.

"So uh, mom and dad called from Germany yesterday, they're worried about you," he said hesitantly. "How you holding up? Need me to come over there?"

I already knew where this was going, but I replied anyways. "Don't you have school still? And what about Gia?" I asked. Lynn was a student at Yale, and was currently dating a girl named Gia, who were basically inseparable.

"Look, if you need me, I'll come. I'll even bring Gia with me, so us three could hang out in Boston." I remained silent. As much as I loved my brother for trying, I really wasn't looking forward to having a pity party for myself with my brother and his girlfriend. He must have taken my silence as an answer. "Well either way, I'm coming down to check up on you for mom and dad, so…"

I groaned. Gotta love the parents.

"Josh." his tone became serious all of a sudden. I knew that it was coming. "Okay, I don't want to talk about this as much as you do, but are you still taking your pills?" And there it was. The pill question. Lynn always made sure that I was taking them regularly, which constantly annoyed me after a few times, because how could I ever forget.

But for some reason it didn't annoy me today because I realized that this could be a good thing. It would give me the perfect opportunity to finally tell Reed the truth. To tell her about my past, without me having to actually bring it up because Lynn would do the work for me. _Yes! _And, I would be able to hang out with her in Boston, instead of having to be the third wheel to Lynn and Gia's obvious romance.

"Okay, I'll come." I replied, without actually answering his last question. "But can I bring someone along?"

"Whatever floats your boat. Just make sure you'll be there." he said. "And Josh, take care alright?"

I was already too excited just thinking about getting out of this place, to finally tell Reed the truth, and to spend the day with her in Boston, that his question didn't even bother me too much. "Sure." I quickly replied. " I'll see you on Saturday. Bye Lynn." And hung up.

I picked up Reed's jacket off the bed and sat down, not thinking about how dry my face was feeling from the paint still on it. Or the fact that my pants must have been staining the bed sheets from our earlier paint war.

No. All I thought about was having Reed with me in Boston, being able to tell her everything.

And maybe, just maybe even finish what we started today.

* * *

So, I worked my bum off on this. I hope you guys liked it :) I used as much creativity on my part, because honestly, I don't listen to Black Sabbath (I youtubed a band:P) , I have no idea who Mike is (I made up a random Ketlar boy) and trying to figure out Josh's thoughts to coincide with the dialog is hard stuff.

Well, thanks for reading, please review it ! ;)


End file.
